


Girlfriend...?

by Thegingercowphan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2015!Dan Howell - Freeform, 2015!Dan and Phil, 2015!Phil Lester - Freeform, 2015!phan, Angst, British Boys, Crush, Dan Howell - Freeform, Dil Howlter - Freeform, F/M, Fanstastic Foursome, Fighting, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Happy Bday DIL, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phan Smut, Phandom - Freeform, Phanfiction, Phil Lester - Freeform, Sexual Tension, f/m - Freeform, m/m - Freeform, phan fanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 17:41:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 11,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4885825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thegingercowphan/pseuds/Thegingercowphan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Phil are YouTube buddies and roommates, and Dan is hopelessly, irrevocably in love with Phil, who just so happens to have a girlfriend...?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Helloooooo my people.  
> I have decided to write a Phanfiction again, and guess what?  
> ITS GONNA BE ANGSTYYYYY ALLOW ME TO RUIN YOUR LIFE YAY  
> Jk I love you guys but I'm gonna start writing now okay bye -Scarlett

Dan was sick of being single.  
Dan was sick of being alone.  
Dan was sick of being kept up at night, hearing the disgusting noises coming from the room just across the hall, as silent tears trickle down his face, the noise forcing him to put on his headphones and listen to whatever goddamn music he can find on full volume. 

Phil would be with his girlfriend almost every night, and at least once a week, coming home with her under his wing, not even saying hello to Dan before leading Bailey into his bedroom, locking the door with a click and not coming out until the late hours of morning, wearing pajamas and having messy (sex hair) bed head. 

Dan was feeling sick to his stomach most nights, because Phil just wouldn't stop talking about her. 

Dan wasn't in love, that was an overstatement. He just had a very big crush and he didn't know how to deal with it, so he didn't. He settled with ignoring it and waiting until that magical day when Phil would profess his undying love for Dan and they would kiss and make love under the stars and it would be amazing, but after all, those were just fantasies (A/N phantasies hehe), his mind would soon push them away like they were pieces of rotten meat. 

It was one of the nights when Bailey was over in Phil's room, obviously doing something more than PG 13. He could hear them, breathing heavy and occasional profanity could be heard from Bailey's mouth, which didn't really surprise him. 

Bailey really was a lovely girl, and no matter how much he hated that Phil was in a relationship, he was glad it was with a girl that was as kind as Bailey, and he was glad that she had quickly accepted him into her circle of friends, (of course along with Phil) and he just couldn't bring himself to hate her, he never wanted to. 

But I suppose that made it harder for the poor man, didn't it? The fact that his crush was dating a beautiful, smart, funny, kind girl made it worse, the pain of Phil talking about her was made three times worse because they were perfect for one another. Bailey was a girl that Phil loved and she loved him back, and Dan didn't want to ruin a perfectly good relationship because of a little crush that he would get over within a few months. Hurting Phil and Bailey wouldn't be worth the guilt of being able to call Phil his, which, probably wouldn't even happen considering that Dan is a terrible liar and can't cover things very well. 

So anyways, like I was saying, tonight was the night when they were... together, when Dan could hear them, he could hear everything that was happening... He really didn't want to. 

He threw on his headphones and plugged them in, opening Pandora, clicking on whatever station was on top, blaring music he had never heard before into his eardrums. His face began to twitch, and he lay facedown in his bed, his nose sinking into the monochrome pillow, allowing a muffled sniffle to come out, followed by numerous fiery tears escaping the corners of his eyes. His body trembled and he felt like he was choking, holding on to the pillow as if it were his mother. 

A song he finally recognized as 'I don't love you' played in his ears. This of course didn't help the tears, his face was now sticky and he couldn't hear anything other than the blaring music. 

***

It was morning all of a sudden, his phone was still playing music on the station he soon recognized as Panic! At The Disco radio. 

"Shit." His phone was on 3%, probably from him playing this goddamn music all night. He quickly plugged in his phone and remembered why he had been listening to music, feeling his sticky cheeks and his aching jaw. 

He was about to head to the bathroom when he heard the shower running, and what seemed to be Phil shuffling around his bedroom, he decided to surrender the bathroom until further notice. 

Dan instead threw on a shirt and sat at his desk, going on Tumblr and skimming over some painful gifs of him and Phil in different videos together. 

He heard three knocks at the door, and a soft "Hey Dan?" It was Bailey, which made it obvious from the very feminine way that she spoke. 

Dan rushed over to the door and opened it, Bailey standing at his door in leggings and a jumper, wet hair curling at the ends. 

"Hey Bailey." He said, giving her a shy smile. 

"Hi Dan. I just wanted to say I'm sorry if we... Kept you up last night. I just realized that we were unbearably loud." Bailey said, playing with a string sticking from the sleeve on her jumper. 

Dan almost actually cringed at that, it was such a genuine apology and he suddenly felt bad for using up all his phone battery. 

"Oh, no it's fine, don't worry." Dan said, patting her shoulder and giving her a smile, which she returned shyly. 

"I'm gonna go make some coffee, do you want some?" She asked, pointing towards the stairs. 

"Uh, yeah that'd be great, thanks." Dan replied, yawning and running his hand through his hair. 

He closed the door and nearly slapped his own forehead for being so goddamn awkward. 

***

It happened again.  
The next week, on the same day of the week, too, the same scenario.  
Except that this time, Dan couldn't stand it anymore. He didn't blare his music into his headphones. He didn't cry. (Well, actually, yes he did, but you'll hear about that later.) he grabbed a shirt and some jeans, and texted PJ. 

'Hey Peej, I know it's late but can I stay the night? I also kind of wanna talk to you about something.' 

'Yeah, I'm just watching TV so I'm not bothered by it. Come on over.' 

Dan threw on some sweatpants and a coat and grabbed a backpack, throwing in clothes for the morning, and his phone charger. 

Dan shoved his phone into the front pocket of the backpack, and walked out of the room, and out of the apartment. 

He hailed a cab once he was outside, quickly saying PJ's address and settling in, pulling out his phone, seeing a text from Phil. 

'Where are you?' 

'I'm staying the night at PJ's. I'll be back in the morning, don't worry.' 

No reply. That was good, Dan wasn't in the mood for a shitty response from a person who was loudly fucking his girlfriend across the hall from his bedroom. 

Once he arrived at PJ's flat, he was welcomed into the warm front room and offered tea. He nodded and set his things near the door, and headed to the kitchen to join PJ. 

PJ was currently making the two cups of tea, the water was heating up in the kettle. 

"So what did you want to talk about?" PJ asked, leaning against the counter. 

"Uh, well, Phil." Dan said quickly, stammering. 

"Okay... What about him?" PJ asked, raising an eyebrow. Dan's cheeks flushed and his pits felt wet. 

"I have a problem, Peej." Dan said, sighing and rubbing his glabella. 

"Spit it out, then." Peej said, chucking. 

"I've got a crush, dammit." Dan said, the profanity was whispered and barely audible. 

"Well, crap, that's not good." PJ said, ruffling his fringe. 

"Dammit, I know it's not good, and he's got a girlfriend and he's with her right now. God fucking..." Dan trailed off, a nervous tear dribbling from his eye onto his cheek, and the kettle beeped angrily, as if it was agreeing with Dan. 

"Well, what I think you should do is wait it out. Don't pounce on him or anything, don't be creepy, just try to move on, alright?" Peej replied, patting his shoulder and pouring the scalding liquid into both mugs. 

***

In the morning, Dan thanked PJ for talking to him and headed home. 

Once he reached the flat and opened the door, he was greeted by the sounds of Phil and Bailey yelling, at one another. Angrily. 

"Well, I can't control where he goes, Bailey!" Phil screams from the lounge. Dan is stuck where he is, so he decides to take refuge in the kitchen, and let them have their little fight. 

"Fucking hell, Phil, don't you understand? We're making the poor man in uncomfortable being in his own home! Phil, we can't keep doing this to him!" Bailey hollered, and he felt a blush on his nose and cheeks. 

"Bailey, I'm sorry, but if we can't even have a physical relationship here or at your flat, I don't think this is going to work." Phil said, loudly but calmly. 

"Are you just in it for a good fuck, then? You know what Phil? Fuck off. We're done." Bailey said, storming out of the flat, leaving Dan flushed and embarrassed, and Phil groaning. 

Dan decided after a few minutes that it would be okay to walk into the lounge and say hello, and hope that Phil wouldn't claw his eyes out. 

"Heyyyy, Phil..." Dan said quietly, slipping into the lounge. Phil didn't look sad, he just looked a little pissed off and sort of... Relieved? 

"Dan, I don't wanna hear a peep from you, understand? You dashing out last night caused me and Bailey to-" 

"Fuck off, Phil, I live here as much as you do, I should have as much freedom as you. Not to mention, I was just hiding in the fucking kitchen waiting for you two to stop fighting so I could come out and apologize, you twat." Dan spat, heading up the stairs and to his bedroom, closing the door and unloading his sleepover clothes from his backpack, and loaded them into his laundry. 

"Fuck you, Phil." Dan muttered under his breath, sitting on his bed, scrolling through YouTube, and settled with watching a few of Louise's videos, and it seemed to calm him down a bit. 

***

Three short hours later, Dan was starting to get hungry, and he finally decided after a few minutes of pacing and weighing his options to go to the kitchen and not give a shit if Phil happened to cross paths with him. 

He headed to the kitchen, making himself a sandwich. No Phil, which was good. He took it to the dining room table and sat down with his phone, scrolling through Tumblr as always. 

He didn't even notice that Phil was standing behind him until he cleared his throat, scaring the living shit out of him. 

"Fucking hell, Phil, are you trying to make me choke on my sandwich?" Dan said, coughing. 

"Oh, sorry. I just wanted to talk to you." Phil said. It seemed like he had thought about their little spat earlier, and Dan motioned for him to sit down. 

"Alright... What about?" Dan asked. 

"I think we need to sort something out." 

"Okay..." Dan said, eyeing Phil with one eyebrow up. 

"I don't... I-" 

"Spit it out, Phil!" Dan said impatiently. 

"I don't think we can do this anymore." Phil finished. 

"What?" Dan said.

"I don't think we should live together anymore."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops it looked like I was about to ruin some lives there in the first chapter...  
> Most of the people that commented were kind of pissed of at douchey Phil, which is great feedback so I can ruin your life for real this time  
> Hehe  
> (Jk ily okay bye)  
> -Scarlett

"He fucking WHAT?" Chris said, slamming his hand on his own dining table. 

"He fucking told me I had to move out. I had to move out of my own fucking house, just because he can't have loud sex?" Dan said, rubbing his forehead, allowing Chris time to spit out a string of profanities and take a sip of the tea he had made himself and Dan. 

"Fucking Christ, Phil." Chris muttered, rubbing his thumb against his bottom lip. 

"Like, I thought we were doing well and all, and then this shit happened just because he's loud when he's fucking someone. Plus, she felt bad about making me leave and yelled at him for it, and they broke up straight after." Dan said, his tea burning his mouth a tad. 

"Good for Bailey." Chris said, shaking his head. 

"That's what I was thinking." Dan muttered, blowing on the almost-too-hot-beverage.

"That crush thing didn't work out for you then, did it..." Chris muttered, earning a questioning glance from Dan, he hadn't told Chris about that yet. 

"Christ, Dan, PJ's my best friend, you don't think he wouldn't tell me that you totally wanna fuck your flatmate." Chris scoffed, taking another gulp of his tea. 

"That was interesting." Dan said, his actions following that of Chris. 

"I'm just interesting like that, aren't I?" Chris chuckled, talking in an awkward sort of Newscaster-voice, holding out his mug and smiling smugly. Dan chuckled, drinking a swig from his tea.

"But really Dan, what are you gonna do?" Chris asked, taking another sip from his tea. 

"Look for a new apartment, I guess." Dan mumbled, rubbing his temples in an attempt to relieve his stress. 

"No, you have to fix this, I'm not settling for 'Look for a new apartment, I guess'." Chris said, mockingly, in a voice that didn't at all resemble Dan's. 

"Well, what do you expect me to do?" Dan asked, setting his mug down. 

"You still live there, until that twat forces you to move out. You can work something out, I'm sure." Chris said, glancing at his phone for a second. "Shit." He said.

"What?" Dan asked, leaning towards the northerner a bit. 

"Phil texted me." Chris finished, his brow furrowing and it was obvious that he was confused. 

"What is it? What did he say?" Dan interrogated, taking a gulp from his tea to distract him. 

"Shut the hell up and let me read!" Chris said, shushing Dan. 

"Sorry. Go on." Dan said, sipping at his tea slowly, like it was a fine wine. 

"'Chris, call me now.'" Chris said, and Dan nodded, giving consent. Chris pressed the call button and put it on speaker, and after saying hello he put it on mute, just in case Dan should start screaming at Phil. 

"Chris, I'm such a twat. I've been such an ass to Dan and now we aren't talking and I told him to move out and I just wanna talk to him but he won't let me... We fought this morning and he left and I don't know where he's gone and I'm a mess because fuck Chris, he's my best friend and I don't want him to get stabbed in an alley or something" Phil said, and it was obvious that he was pacing and possibly crying. 

"Calm down, Phil, he's with me." Chris said, taking the phone off mute, seeing Dan's blushing face. 

"Really? Thank god, thank you thank you thank you Chris..." Phil said, sighing into the phone. 

"No problem. Do you wanna say anything though...?" Chris hinted slyly, raising an eyebrow. 

"I'm just so glad he's okay, can you put him on the phone for me?" Phil said, huffing, and Dan soon had the phone pressed against his left cheek. 

"Dan? Dan thank god you're alright, I was so worried." Phil says, sighing again. 

"I'm fine, Phil, calm down, I didn't get stabbed or anything." Dan said, his voice unforgiving and cold. 

"Dan, I am so so sorry, I can't have you move out, that was a huge dick move, you're my best friend and honestly my life would fall apart if you moved out. Please don't leave me." Phil said, and he was surely crying, Dan could hear the thickness in his voice, and he could almost hear the wetness settling on his pale cheeks. 

"Calm down, Jesus Christ Phil. I won't move out then." Dan said, taking in a sharp breath, and got ready for what Phil would say next. 

"Come home. We need to have an actual talk, face to face, and talk about this." Phil said, sighing for the millionth fucking time, had this guy ran a mile before talking to Dan? 

"Okay, just let me do something really quick." Dan said, and hung up. 

"I gotta go, thanks Chris. I'm gonna go and have a serious talk with this little fucker." Dan said, putting on his coat, patting Chris on the shoulder, and hailing a cab. 

***

The truth was, Dan didn't really want to come home yet. He didn't want to talk to Phil and he didn't want to pretend that everything was okay, so he decided to go for a walk before coming home. 

He walked around his neighborhood first, hoping that Phil wouldn't see him, and after almost getting hissed at by a few geese, he decided that he was calmed down enough to go home. 

***

"Phil, I'm back!" Dan shouted from the front door. 

Phil rushed up to him and gave him the biggest hug in existence, muttering apologies and leading him into the lounge. 

"Okay, let's have this talk we spoke about on the phone." Dan said, running his fingers through his fringe. 

"Dan, I just wanted to say again that I am so sorry and I was a huge twat and I was really dumb to say what I said to you." Phil said, and Dan nodded. 

"Phil, I think you need to set relationships more on an emotional level and less on a physical level." Dan said, quietly. 

"Do you mean...?" Phil raised his eyebrows, waiting for a finished answer. 

"I think you need to focus less on sex, and more on making the other person happy." Dan said, and Phil took a breath and nodded. 

"I can't help but agree with that. I've been a huge ass lately, haven't I?" Phil said, shaking his head and pulling a face of disgust. 

"I'm sorry Phil but you were being a giant dick, and that probably makes me one for saying it but it's true." Da muttered, and Phil chuckled.

"So can we set some ground rules?" Dan asked, and Phil nodded. 

"Rule one: sex is allowed, just make it so I can sleep and not KNOW you are having sex." Phil nodded and Dan moved on. "Rule two: Don't ever be an ass to your girlfriend because she is being a good person." Dan said through his teeth. He was mad again, but only because Bailey didn't get to have a say in any of this talk and he decided to fight on her side. 

"Dan I-" Phil was about to say, before Dan cut him off. 

"No, no 'Dan I-', because whatever you're about to say, I know I'm gonna end up punching you for it so just... Don't. You always have to be kind to the people that love you, you have to keep them close and make sure you are returning that love, okay Phil? Do you understand?" Dan accused, Phil's face colored red with embarrassment. "You don't get to be a dick to a girl that loves you, okay?!I don't know if you noticed, but Bailey loves you. I'm almost positive that she still does, even if you are broken up. So promise me, right now, that you will not be a gigantic cunt to her again, because she appreciates you more than anything." 

Dan couldn't believe he was actually saying this, because, well, he still had a gigantic crush on Phil, it was still pretty obvious, but even now just saying Bailey's name made his stomach churn. Just the single quiet thought, only her name, was enough to make him want to cry.

"Okay." Phil stammered, and he gave a weak smile to Dan, one that Dan didn't return. Dan extended his hand, and Phil shook it quickly. 

Dan stood up, and Phil engulfed him in yet another hug, and squeezed his shoulders. 

"By the way, Dan, I talked to Bailey early this morning. We got back together."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I hope everyone had a great week, I'm v v happy because I preordered TABINOF and I'm gonna cry when I read it most likely and I can't wait to read the book and I just love you all.  
> I love writing for you guys and I love leaving cliffhangers and seeing your wonderful comments and I just love you all.  
> Anyways, that ends my profession of love, (for the most part) and like I said, I love you all, and hope you enjoy this next chapter.  
> -Scarlett

Although he could no longer hear them at night, and he could no longer know when they were intimate, it still killed him when he thought of Bailey, every time he thought of them together, his throat closed up and his eyes burned and his mouth went dry. 

It's not a tiny crush.  
But it's not love. 

Dan didn't know what to believe anymore, and he didn't know who he could talk to that wouldn't say, 'Well, Dan, he's taken, and he's almost definitely straight, I think you need to just get over him.' Dan tried, he did, but he couldn't. He just... Couldn't. 

He tried going on websites and looking at articles and praying, even, and listening to music more often and reading a lot more, and being alone more often and talking to Phil and Bailey a little less, and eventually, not going out of the flat with Phil anymore. 

He didn't realize that he was slowly beginning to push them both out of his life, slowly getting rid of their presence and making them a simple idea that lived in his heart, and evidently, in his flat. 

Yes, Bailey practically lived at Dan and Phil's flat now. She was there almost all the time, she would often times cook them dinner (more just Phil, as Dan was avoiding them.) 

Dan didn't realize it until one day when he got those familiar three knocks at his door, and a soft hello on the other side of the wall. 

"Yes?" Dan said, opening to the door to Bailey and smiling at her weakly, as a pang of jealousy went through his belly. 

"Hi Dan. I just wanted to let you know that I made dinner." Bailey said quietly, she was such a shy girl, and she probably felt badly for how Phil had treated him, and most likely knew how angry Dan still was at Phil. 

"Oh, thank you Bailey. I'll be out in a moment." Dan said, patting her shoulder. 

"Oh, and Dan?" 

"Hmm?" Dan said, raising his eyebrows and looking Bailey straight in the eyes. "I'm sorry about... This. Phil and I made an agreement and I feel horrible about it and I just wanted to say I'm really really sorry for fucking up you and Phil's relationship and-" Bailey was starting to cry now, and Dan had taken her under his wing, and her head fit perfectly below his collarbone and above his chest, she was around a head shorter than him. He just hugged her and told her it was all right, and she seemed to calm down after a few minutes, after all his cooing and soothing. 

"Let's go eat, shall we?" Bailey said, sniffing, and Dan gave her a smile. It hurt to see her and Phil together, but he really did love Bailey. As a best friend, of course, he wasn't as straight as he had made himself out to be in 2012...

***

Make out sessions are awkward as fuck.  
Especially when you are a third wheel. 

They were just mindlessly watching Adventure Time, and now Bailey and Phil were snogging on the couch next to Dan, as if breathing didn't even matter. 

"Uh... Alright guys, I'm gonna go to bed. Thanks for, uhm, dinner, Bailey... Night guys." Dan said quickly, standing up and using everything in his will to keep himself from running up the stairs. 

His chest aches and his stomach hurt, his eyes welled up and his face burnt red, searing pain shot through his foot as he stubbed it on his doorway from not being able to see through the thickness in his eyelids. 

"Fuck!" He whisper-screamed, and tears began to fall, slowly at first, but gradually thicker and faster and heavier. 

Sitting down on his bed, he thought for a moment. Why does everyone ship them, anyway? That was kind of the reason that Phil was his crush, the apple of his eye, because he had been pressured into making videos with him and talking about him and being with him, and he finally developed deeper feelings; feelings on a personal level. 

He changed into sweatpants and took off his shirt, laying in bed and thinking. 

'Phil Lester.  
Phil Howell.  
Dan Howell.  
Dan Lester.'

His mind wandered, and he pondered his existence for a moment before settling with the last name of Howell-Lester sounding the best. 

But you know what sounded even better? Something that made Dan's face heat up and his lips purse and his mouth go dry, something made purely out of jealousy. 

Bailey Lester. 

Of course her name sounded perfect with Phil's, they were perfect together. Dan glanced at his phone, seeing that the time was 11:10 PM. He remembered that the next minute would be time for him to make a wish- here was a small chance of getting what he wants most. 

11:11 PM. 

Phil. Phil. Phil. Phil.Phil. Phil. Phil.  
Phil Lester.  
AmazingPhil.  
LessAmazingPhil.  
Phil from DanandPhilGAMES.  
Phil from DanandPhilCRAFTS.  
Phil from BBC Radio 1.  
The guy with the hair. 

11:12.

He suddenly remembered something important; something big.  
PINOF was coming in a month.  
And Dan had a huge crush.  
And Phil had a girlfriend.  
Dan was fucked, in other words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating a lot is one of my strong points, isn't it? I just hate leaving you people because I love seeing your amazing comments and I love updating for you and ARGGHHHH   
> Thank you for reading today's chapter! I love you all, have a good day!   
> -Scarlett


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! How has your day been going? I just wanted to say that if you are ever feeling crappy or sad you can kik me, my username is scarlettmae10 and it will be kept completely confidential. I am willing just to talk to you if you're bored too, I have no life at all so feel free. My picture is of Dan's 'sexy face' from PINOF 4. I love you all, have a great day and I hope you enjoy this chapter! -Scarlett

It was an endless cycle, and Dan was sick and tired of it. 

His somewhat gigantic crush had not faded at all, in fact it was probably getting bigger, but at times he found himself disgusted with Phil, but he couldn't help but feel badly for Bailey, the poor girl was being used. 

This is how the cycle went for the past three weeks:  
Phil:"We broke up."  
Dan:"I'm so sorry!" *hugs and babies him*  
Phil, after two days: "We're back together!"  
Dan: "That's great!" 

You can see why he was disgusted, Phil was acting like a fourth grader in his first ever 'relationship'. He would break it off, and miss having a girl to call his, and bring her back, and Dan was sick of having her be used like this, and he was tired of making himself sad from all the shitty things Phil did to her. 

Phil was normally such a kind person, so generous, and he was probably the least likely person in Dan's book to do something like this. He just couldn't fathom the fact that it was Phil doing this, causing this much emotional pain for two people at once. (Although he only knew of one person he was causing pain.)

***

It was the last straw, he had just gotten off the phone with Bailey, she had called Dan, begging him to talk some sense into Phil. Apparently he had just broken it off with her on the phone, Dan had heard the whole thing, dismissing it as a little spat they had, and moments after Bailey had ended the call, he got a knock on his door, which he opened quickly and pulled Phil into the room. 

"Dan, wha-" Phil started, but Dan cut him off before he could say anything idiotic or mean. 

"Just- shut up, for once, why don't you? Do you realize how much pain this causes me? To just see you use her up like she's a cheap fucking Christmas candle? Do you not understand how much pain you have put her through?" Dan says, his voice thick and his eyes feeling too dry; as if some unknown person is blowing on them softly. 

"Dan, what are you talking about?" Phil says, looking mock confused and his face turning tomato. 

"Phil, don't you fucking dare. I already told you, you little motherfucking twat. I told you to appreciate her and not just use her for sex, you filthy animal." Dan spat, his face going red and his eyes now feeling like fire. 

"Dan, I don't know why you think-" 

"Phil! Will you just fucking listen to me, for once? Please? One time, this one time, it matters, okay? I want you two to be happy, and if that means being together, then go ahead. If it means you both being single, then that's fine by me as well. Just-" Dan paused to breathe and tug on his hair. 

"MAKE UP YOUR MIND, YOU TWELVE YEAR OLD!" Dan screamed to the ceiling. Phil was darker than he was before, if that was even possible. 

"Dan, why the hell do you even care?" Phil asked, his voice scratchy, making it sound like he was on the verge of tears as well. 

"Because I want you to be happy." Dan said, quieting down, his face cooling down, but his eyes seeming to well up, which he hoped to God wasn't actually happening. 

"Dan, what's going on?" Phil finally said after a minute of thick silence. 

"Don't you understand what I just said?" Dan replied coldly, his eyes now red and tears threatening to humiliate him. 

"I know you're angry about Bailey and I, but there's more to it, right?" He says, his tone softening and his face turning white again. 

They just stood there, staring at one another for what seemed to be hours, which was probably only seconds, before Phil spoke up again. 

"You have a problem with Bailey and I don't you?" He said, cocking his head slowly. 

"Yeah." Dan replied, his voice raspy and weak. 

"Why do you have an issue? Is it something one of us did to you?" 

"Kinda, yeah." Dan said, looking towards the corner of his room, and crossing his arms. 

"Who did it? What happened to you? What was it?" Phil asked slowly, quietly. 

"You. You, and you." Dan replied, his tears now spilling onto his hot cheeks, making them sticky. 

"I don't think I understand." Phil said softly, his eyes squinting then relaxing again. 

"You did it, you happened to me, and you suddenly appeared in my mind all the fucking time." Dan whispered, nodding after every 'you'. The tears were falling heavier than before now, flowing down his cheeks like little streams. 

"Dan..." Phil said, his own eyes welling up now. 

"I don't wanna fight anymore, Phil." Dan said, as Phil engulfed him in a hug, both the boy's shirts being wet slightly on one shoulder. 

"Me neither." Phil replied, hiccuping into Dan's shoulder. 

"Can we fix this?" Dan mumbled, pressing his cheek further into Phil's neck. 

"Yeah."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I hope you have a great day today, just remember: tomorrow is Friday! You'll be able to go out and enjoy yourself, or sit inside and enjoy yourself! (I like the latter, but you can do what you want m9 I won't judge.)  
> Love you all! Enjoy! :)  
> -Scarlett

Dan didn't know that Phil had two different definitions of fixing their relationship.  
He kind of knew now that Dan had a huge crush on him, that Dan wanted him so badly, that He just wanted to grab his face and kiss him. 

But he had different ideas.  
They first started out by cleaning the apartment, just so they could get our minds off of the whole fight and make themselves useful. They then sat down and watched Attack on Titan and drank coffee, and then went to bed. 

The next day, Phil went over to Bailey's house and properly ended their relationship, fully, as in, they were never ever ever getter back together. (A/N QUEUE SOME FKIN T-SWIZZLE BITCHES) 

Bailey was devastated, but Dan was sure she saw it coming. Phil didn't tell her about my little love profession or the hug or anything, just that he needed to take time to think about stuff and that she needed to find someone better for her. 

Maybe one day he will be able to do that, yeah? That'd be cool, another bisexual/gay guy that actually loved him back and wanted him to be his as much as Dan would want him to be his own. That would be nice. 

Truth is, Dan didn't love Phil.  
He didn't.  
Dan had a crush- and it's a solvable problem, but it's easier said than done. 

***

Cereal. Clean. Record. Eat. Edit. Relax. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. 

Another cycle, but this one Dan could kind of handle. He wanted to get over him so fucking badly- he wanted him to just leave my life without actually leaving, hewanted that weird twisty feeling in my chest to go away and finally just dissipate into a lost dream he had in my twenties. 

But the problem is, Phil was changing.  
He was becoming kinder, (if that was even possible) more compassionate, and he started listening to me more. Dan couldn't help but feel kind of proud of him, and kind of guilty for not really giving him wiggle room. Dan had also felt the swelling in his heart build up again, the constant buzz of life he had gotten when he touched me; how he made his head dizzy and his mouth dry. 

Dan wanted it to be like this all the time; Dan wanted him to feel the same, for him to return those feelings like a Christmas gift. (A/N Best Christmas gift ever tbh) 

His eyes seemed bluer, his interests deeper, and he seemed like he just wanted to sit and talk to Dan, about whatever was on his mind, whatever made him feel good or bad or somewhere in between. 

***  
ONE WEEK LATER

PINOF 7 happened today.  
They recorded it, took out the SD card in the camera, and hooked it up to the computer, where one of them would edit after dinner. 

That didn't happen.  
And that's where the dramatic music and violin solos begins, right? 

They still had the goddamned sharpie on our faces, which would be a pain to get off later, and they were still in the giggly mood they always were in in those videos. 

"Hey Dan, what are we eating for dinner?" Phil had asked him right after taking the SD card to the study. 

"I don't know... Pizza...?" Dan replied, thinking of quick dinner choices. 

"Meh I don't really want pizza." 

"Who doesn't want pizza all the time?!" Dan asked, showing a look of mock offense towards the other lad. 

"Well, I dunno, I just don't want pizza." He replied, shrugging. 

"Uh... Hm... Chinese?" Dan asked. 

"Eh." Phil replied, and Dan cracked a smile, making the older boy to do the same. 

"Someone's indecisive, aren't they?" Dan said jokingly, shaking his head. 

"Kind of." Phil said quietly, looking down. 

"Huh?" Dan turned to look at Phil, his eyes lined with worry. 

"I don't really know what I want." Phil replied. 

"Well, yeah, if it makes you feel better, I don't either." Dan said softly, getting the idea that this wasn't about the food. 

"Sometimes I-I think, pizza is nice, but Chinese can be better s-sometimes, but then, th-then I just think- I-I think I'd rather have a sandwich." Phil says quietly, stuttering and stammering. 

"This isn't about food, is it?" Dan said softly, placing his hand on Phil's. 

"No, not really..." Phil said even quieter than before. 

"I hope you don't feel badly about being confused." Dan said, rubbing Phil's knuckles with his thumb. 

"Kind of." Phil's eyes were glazed and Dan's heart thudded in his chest- the only sound in the room. Phil's eyes soon filled with tears, and when he tried to blink them back, they fell. 

"I'm just confused, that's all." Phil muttered, sniffing. 

"Hey Phil?" Dan asked, meeting Phil's eyes with his own. 

"Yeah?" Phil replied, his eyes a bit redder along with his flushed cheeks that had fresh tear streaks on them. 

"Can-Can I-" Dan stuttered, and he felt his heart rise in his chest. 

"Mmhm." Phil hummed, blinking again, and he put his hands on Dan's shoulders.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I just wanna rant real quick hold on  
> I like this boy.  
> My friend Brian thinks the boy likes me.  
> If said boy asks me out, I don't even know if I will say yes.  
> Crap.  
> I don't know why I wouldn't, but somehow I feel like I would get scared or something...?  
> Anywho, I love you all, I hope you are having a wonderful day, and that a dog comes up to you.  
> -Scarlett

Dan cupped Phil's cheek, bringing his face to Dan's. Phil's eyes closed slowly, and Dan's followed suit. 

Slowly, carefully, and oh so very magically, their faces came together, and they bonked noses. 

Pulling away from one another to rub their pained noses, the two men chucked and giggled at their clumsiness. 

"Shit, that was awkward." Dan mumbled, smiling like a half moon. 

"Yeah." Phil replied, staring Dan in the eyes once more, and smiled along with him. 

Dan was leaning against the kitchen counter now, shaking his now lowered head, his smile fixated on his face. 

"Well... I think Chinese should be fine." Phil said, sighing after a long pause, and his smile faded into a content look upon his face. 

"Sounds good. I'll order it now." Dan said, his facial expressions following that of Phil's. 

Phil walked back to his bedroom, changed into more comfortable clothes, and washed his face. 

Dan stayed in the kitchen, doing anything to keep himself from thinking about the moment that they had just shared; how they almost did... It, and how he was actually okay with them not kissing. 

The sheer thought of kissing Phil was enough to make butterflies form in his stomach, fluttering their hypothetical wings, and crashing on his insides with huge hammers, telling him, "Not good enough. He's gonna reject you!" 

Dan just kept busy by cleaning the apartment, waiting for the Chinese to arrive, and he finally heard the doorbell ring, causing him to snap out of his cleaning frenzy and actually get the goddamned food. 

After opening the door, the person delivering his food have him wide eyes, and they immediately filled with tears. 

"Oh my god, Danisnotonfire! I'm delivering your Chinese!" The girl cried, and she handed Dan the box, as he pulled her in for a hug, offering a selfie. 

"Please don't tell them where I live, yeah?" Dan chuckled, as she shook her head no, she wasn't gonna tell anyone. 

"How's Phil? Oh my god- wait, did you just film Phil is not on fire seven?!" She asked, gesturing towards the sharpie marker on his face. 

"Oh, right, yeah! We did! Hey, hold on a second..." He said, and he stepped a little farther into the apartment. 

"PHIL! FOOD'S HERE!" Dan yelled, and he heard a faint 'Woohoo!' From Phil's room. 

"PHIL! A SUBSCRIBER IS DELIVERING IT!" Dan yelled again, and he heard a clear sound of footsteps bounding down the stairs, and Phil appeared, hugging the girl quickly and taking another selfie, and then another with all three of them. 

"I'm gonna go take a shower, but it was nice meeting you! Always good to meet a subscriber." Phil smiled at the girl, and she waved, as he walked back to his bedroom. 

"Dan, I'm gonna say something and you're gonna hate it, but..." The girl started, fixing the collar on her red polo shirt. 

"Oh god..." Dan said, chuckling. 

"Heart eyes Howell." She giggled, and Dan shook his head, smiling pitifully. 

"What is it?" She asked, her brow growing lower and her voice getting softer. 

"It's true." Dan replied, and he pointed limply to the stairs. 

"Heart eyes Howell, is indeed, a thing, that I happen to do, that he never notices..." Dan muttered, and the girl pulled him into another hug. 

"I'm so sorry, Dan. I hope you guys can work it out, I know you will. Best friends always find a way." She said, hopefully, and he patted her back.

After she left, Phil came back downstairs with wet hair and pajamas on, ready to eat some food. 

***

Dan must've bruised his nose or something, it hurt like hell the next week. 

"Motherfucker..." Dan muttered, inspecting his nose in the mirror. 

He was starting to blame himself for not kissing Phil, for being so awkward as to bump noses with him. 

Dan looked at himself in the mirror, and fixed his fringe, positioning his broad shoulders so his posture was good and straight. 

He looked himself in the eyes, and whispered to his reflection.  
"It is not a crush. It is not a crush." His face heated up just saying the words, making them known in existence, making them be. 

"I am in love. I am in love. I am in love." He whispered again and again, until his face cooled down and his thoughts ran straight. 

"I love a boy. I love a boy. I love a boy." He repeated, his heart beating to its normal pace again. 

"I love him. I love him. I love him." He whispered, louder this time, and more confident, but not quite speaking just yet. 

"I love Phil Lester. I love Phil Lester. I love Phil Lester." He said, at his full speaking volume this time, confidence rising in his chest, bubbling through his ears and up his throat. 

"I love Phil Lester, and I'm gonna tell him right now."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I just wanted to remind you again that if you are ever in a mood where you just wanna talk to someone, even if you're not sad or feeling crappy, I'm always here to talk. Pleassse don't comment it on here, I think it would be better if it was more private, yeah? My kik is scarlettmae10, my profile picture is of Dan's sexy face.  
> 'Sexy.' Face, with a thousand double chins.  
> Love you all, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!  
> -Scarlett

Dan marched from the bathroom confidently, and then stopped dead in his tracks. 

"I can't." He muttered to himself, as he paced backwards and forwards through the empty hallway. 

He heard Phil filming in his room, he knew that he could just go in and tell him after he was done filming, but he couldn't. It wasn't that he wasn't capable of it or that he wasn't able, he just didn't have the courage. 

He didn't have the heart to force Phil to answer a difficult question, and he didn't want to provide bias to push Phil into it. 

Phil was still in a state of confusion; he hadn't told Dan what his definite feelings were; he didn't even know how Phil felt towards him. 

Plus, if Phil was still trying to work it out, then Dan shouldn't just pounce on him like a cougar, as if it would be acceptable to pressure Phil like that, to make Phil feel badly. 

Dan didn't know what to do, and he just wanted to be with Phil all the time, and he wanted to kiss him, and hug him, and feel him, he wanted to have Phil wrapped around him, tangled in sheets and duvet covers. 

"Fuck." Dan muttered to himself again, and remembered the analogy Phil had made the previous week.  
Pizza, Chinese, a sandwich.  
He was still deciding what he wanted for dinner, and Dan wasn't going to force his decision for him. It wasn't his job. 

Dan finally decided to trudge back to his room in defeat, after a few minutes of thinking heavily. 

Dan laid on top of his covers, still in his clothes, and sighed deeply. 

Phil's face was stuck in his mind, tugging at his heart like a noose. 

Dan didn't realize he was crying until he tried to look at his phone, realizing that he couldn't see the illuminated screen properly through his blurry tears. 

"Give me a break..." He whispered to himself, and blinked his eyes hard, so the saltwater would fall. 

He wiped off his cheeks and under his eyes, and just laid there, his head not even touching the pillow yet. 

Dan thought more about what Phil had said about food, how sometimes he wants pizza and sometimes he wants Chinese and sometimes he doesn't want either. But what could the sandwich mean? Chinese or pizza could both work out as men or women, but what about sandwiches? 

Dan laid there thinking about what a sandwich could be, and he thought he was done with the question, when it finally popped into his head like an existential crisis. 

The sandwich was Dan. 

How did he not realize that he was the sandwich? The other two were just men and women, and Dan was the fucking sandwich! 

Dan sat upright and felt a headrest, squinting his eyes and groaning quietly. He tugged at his hair after the rush of headache had gone, muttering "Sandwich, Dan, sandwich..." 

Dan quickly thought of an answer, and hoped his plan would work, as his screen opened on Twitter. 

'I've been thinking of food analogies for twenty minutes and now I really want either some pizza or Chinese.' He tweeted, in hopes that Phil would see the tweet and get what he meant. 

A few moments later, he got a reply tweet from Phil, and Dan's heart leapt to his throat. 

'I'd rather have a sandwich.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arrrgghhh! Sorry this chapter was so short, I couldn't seem to fit a whole lot in here. I hope you enjoyed, and I hope you've had a wonderful day.   
> -Scarlett


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aye yo tony where'd you get that fresh pepperoni?  
> How's it goin'? I'm rlly tired and I have ice cream at my house but it's not even 10:00 AM yet so I can't eat ice cream yet BUT there's only a few hours until lunch time so it will be alright.  
> I hope you enjoy today's chapter!  
> Love you all,  
> -Scarlett (by the way yes that is my actual name, and yes I am a ginger. The username is just an inside joke but I am indeed a ginger and that is my name.)

Dan had no idea how to react.  
Should he scream in joy? Should he run to Phil's room and hug him until he crushes his ribs? Should he just stay where he is and pretend it never happened? 

No. No, no, no, no, no. He wasn't just gonna sit there like a little pile of shit and not do anything, he just had a goddamn realization that his flatmate loved him back, he wasn't just gonna sit there! 

Dan leapt to his door and practically slammed it from excitement, and ran (across the hallway) to Phil's bedroom door. 

"Phil." Dan said loudly into the door, knocking five times, hurriedly. 

"Yeah?" Dan took a deep breath after hearing Phil's voice; he sounded so nonchalant and calm. 

"Can I come in?" Dan said at a normal volume. 

"What?" Phil asked, it was obvious that he was doing something instead of listening to Dan. 

"Can I come in?" Dan repeated, louder this time. 

"Yeah." Phil said, and Dan opened the door, to Phil sitting on his bed, watching videos on his laptop. 

"Hi!" Phil said, and he patted the empty spot next to him on the bed. 

"Hi...?" Dan said, confused at the seemingly calm Phil. "What are you watching?" Dan said, as he plopped down next to Phil on the bed. 

"Oh..." Dan muttered, catching a slight glimpse of the screen. 

Phil was watching the very first Phil is not on fire video; and he was seeming to enjoy it. 

Dan didn't want to interrupt Phil's thoughts, he seemed very... at peace. So Dan sat there next to him, watching the video along with him. 

Even at the funny parts, neither of them giggled or chuckled or even smiled, because Phil was immersed into the world of seeing the past and Dan was just looking at Phil. 

Dan stared at his pale skin, and his silky black hair that swooped over in a style on the opposite side his, and his teeth chewed at the inside of his cheek, as he admired his face shape and his eye colour and his brown eyelashes. 

The video was starting to come to an end, as Dan uttered the familiar words along with the video. 

"This was the most fun I've ever had." Phil finally smiled and pointed at the screen, and took a breath as the past him tackled Dan into a bear hug. 

"Do you remember that?" Phil muttered, contently. 

"Yeah." Dan whispered, holding his breath. 

"Me too." Phil said softly, and paused the screen, dragging the screen so he could watch the happy little moment again. 

He pressed play again and paused at the moment when he tackled Dan playfully, and when they heard the faint "Oof!" from Dan. 

"That actually was the most fun I've ever had..." Dan whispered again, and desperately wished he could take Phil's hand in his. 

They sat in silence again, and Dan remembered the Valentine's video; how they had made it as a joke, because people kept thinking they were a couple. Phil was a remarkably good actor, and portrayed the whole thing as how Dan wished his real life actually was. 

"Sandwich." Phil whispered, and Dan nodded his head. 

"Hey Phil?" Dan whispered, and Phil turned his head. 

"Yeah?" Phil replied, giving Dan a good view of his blue eyes. 

"Am I the sandwich?" Dan asked, and Phil's eyes glazed over in content. 

"Yeah." He replied, and Dan felt a tingle in his tummy as Phil's hand held his, and Phil scooted closer towards him. 

"When?" Dan asked, and he looked down at their interlocked fingers. 

"When I talked to Bailey, you know, when I properly broke up with her, she told me that she thought I needed to sort something out. I told her I didn't know what she was talking about, and she said that she could tell you loved me." Phil said, rubbing Dan's knuckles with his thumb. 

"She was right." Dan muttered, and Phil smiled weakly, looking up at the ceiling. 

"Anyway," Phil continued, taking in a deep breath, "I told her it was nonsense, that you couldn't possibly love me after seeing how crappy I was to her, and she just shook her head and told me she knew. And then, I left, and I came home." Phil finished, and Dan's hand wasn't even sweaty. It wasn't clammy or weird feeling, he liked the warmth of Phil's hand around his and he liked the feeling of contentment, laying on Phil's bed, next to Phil, being able to know the feeling of being happy. 

"So you want the sandwich?" Dan asked, and Phil turned his head towards Dan once again. 

"I want the sandwich." Phil repeated, and closed his laptop, placing it on the floor next to his bed. Phil laid back down next to Dan and looked him in the eyes once more. 

"I hope you like kissing sandwiches."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! I'm gonna go eat ice cream now because I can't stand not eating ice cream. (So sorry this chapter was kinda short- it did have a lot of fluff tho so it's okay.)  
> Love you all,  
> -Scarlett


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!  
> And guess what?  
> New OPT in town, Ashlett!  
> Woohoo! I managed to get myself a boyfriend, somehow! How, you ask? I have no idea.  
> But he's amazing.  
> And he listens to me.  
> And he likes Dan and Phil.  
> And late night phone calls.  
> And he is hilarious.  
> And he is literally the ultimate gorgeous human being, ngl.  
> And I really friggin like him.  
> Also, I'm backkkk! I'm gonna be posting every Tuesday now, idk what time but just every Tuesday. I'm super happy now and I'm in love with being happy and I just wanna feel like this all the time.   
> I missed you all a lot, and here's the chapter for this week! Enjoy!  
> -Scarlett

"No, wait, Dan..." Phil's voice was soft, as was his skin, and Dan pulled his thumb from Phil's supple bottom lip. 

His glass-shard eyes looked into his soul as he shook his head. 

"What?" Dan asked, his voice soft and gentle like a kitten. 

"I can't; not yet anyway..." Phil said quietly, glancing at the wall behind Dan's head, breaking eye contact. 

"Shit, yeah, sorry Phil." Dan mumbled. He was pulled into a tight embrace and held for several seconds before being released and dragged back to Phil's bedroom, where he assumed they would talk and maybe cuddle. 

That's exactly what they did, too. Minus the whole talking part. Just cuddling and then sleeping. 

Dan had no idea how he had gotten so damn lucky, but that he had better thank god because this wasn't over yet. 

A mutual agreement was made silently between the two, promising to hold one another until they fell asleep, and even then, they continued to embrace one another, both men radiating content and happiness. 

***

When they awoke, Dan was groggy and as was Phil. Phil turned to Dan and grabbed his hand, pulling it closer to his face, and pressed a tiny snowflake kiss to his knuckles. 

"I'm glad this happened." Phil whispered, and pulled Dan's whole body into a hug, their limbs holding each other as Dan thanked Phil under his breath.  
Thank up for coming when I needed it.  
Thank you for being a huge dickwad but still being able to be Phil.  
Thank you for kissing my hand.  
Thank you.  
But why did you have a girlfriend?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Errrghh it's so short!  
> I'm back though, and I will see you guys next week!  
> (Btw Ash is the CUTEST FUCKING THING ON THIS PLANET I WANNA PINCH HIS CHEEKS)  
> -Scarlett


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's right.  
> It's the tenth chapter.  
> I'm gonna write now and I'm just gonna tell you guys, I love you all so much and this almost has 600 hits, which is amazing.  
> Thank you all for reading, and I'll see you next week!  
> Enjoy!  
> -Scarlett O.

"When a mummy and a daddy love each other very much, they get sick of each other." 

Dan remembered Dean's softly spoken words in a skit that he had starred in, how he didn't even comprehend the meaning behind them or how they would come back to haunt him later. 

But now that he was thinking and the tears were streaming down his cheeks like little hot springs, he remembered them, and he felt the churning in his stomach that he had felt so long ago return. 

His shoulders ached from shaking and his pillow was on the floor, it smelled too much like him. 

Dan's sobs heaved from his lungs and took all air he could have used for calming himself down, and kept his throat sore. 

Dan sat up a little too quickly, his head blurring and his vision going like television static. He groaned and felt a pang of jealously, then hate, and heartbreak and loneliness. 

He thought that douche was gone, he thought that this man he had fallen in love with was perfect and had changed. 

Phil had cheated on him.  
Dan had found a text from a girl on Phil's phone, and since he knew Phil's password by heart, he opened the messages and read them before Phil came back from the loo. 

His heart felt like it was being torn from his ribcage, and his stomach wrenched and his face contorted. 

The worst part was, it was a girl.  
A girl.  
It could've been a guy, and it may have hurt less, but he thought Phil was his. He thought Phil was all his. 

Dan heaved once more, and continued to think. 

Dan's stomach continued to turn as he remembered the messages. 

/Phil, are you home alone? ;) 

No. Dan's here. Come over at 8? 

Perfect. Can't wait. ;))/ 

That was last month. The first time he saw them. He didn't let Phil be home alone anymore, he always waited until he was with Phil to do the things he needed to, like go clothes shopping or hang out with their other friends. 

But last week, it happened again. Same scenario, he was in the kitchen, and Phil was in the bathroom, and his phone buzzed. Dan, being paranoid and hoping it wasn't her, checked the messages again. 

/You wanna come over at 7 tonight? Becca's gone, we can have a little fun ;) :$/

Dan just put the phone down and hoped Phil would refuse. 

A week later, on the very same day that Dan was heaving and sobbing, just a few hours earlier, Phil's phone had rung. He had answered it, and Dan heard the whole thing. Phil had started to the bathroom to answer it instead of just right there in the lounge with Dan, and Dan knew it was her. So he didn't hide it. 

Phil was just about to leave the lounge when Dan spoke up. 

"Phil, you don't have to hide it anymore." 

Phil turned around and Dan's face was already flushed and tears were about to spill. 

"What?" Phil asked, and moved the phone from his ear to his jaw. 

"I know, okay? I know you're fucking some girl behind my back, just... Please Phil, I need you to tell me that I'm right because I've seen the fucking messages and I know where you go when you say you're hanging out with 'people'. Just-Phil, I can't take this anymore..." Dan sobbed. His voice was cracking and his heart was breaking. 

"Dan, that's nonsense." 

"Then who the hell are you on the phone with? If it's just somebody, then you could've answered it here, you could've answered it with me on the fucking line with you, Phil, just stop-stop lying to me please!" Dan shouted, hot tears trekking down his reddened cheeks. 

Dan could hear her voice, very quietly, on the other line, asking 'Philly' what was going on. 

'She can't call him that. That's /my/ nickname. Mine.' 

Phil's face fell and his eyes softened, also brimming with tears. 

"Gemma, I have to go." He said weakly into the speaker, and Dan could hear her protests. 

Phil put his phone in his pocket and Dan stood up. 

Phil stood there, flustered and embarrassed, and Dan's eyes burned. 

"How long?" Dan asked weakly. 

"What?" Phil muttered.

"How long, Phil. How long have you been fucking a girl behind my back?" Dan said bitterly, seething. 

"Three months..." Phil uttered, quietly. 

"Three fucking months, Phil? We've been dating four! Did you just, I don't know, get bored? Because I don't wanna force you to have sex with me? Is that what it is? Please, correct me if I'm wrong, Mister Infidelity. Please do." Dan said, vowing forward. 

"I don't have time for this." Phil tried to say, ushering past Dan, but before he could go anywhere, Dan stepped in front of his wake and poked a single finger into his chest. 

"You clearly do, because last time I checked, you were having an affair in all of your free time. What ever happened to, 'I'm glad we did this'? Or, 'I love you, Dan'? Have you just gotten bored? Do you not love me anymore? Because I sure as hell still love the shit out of you, Phil." Dan pleaded, his gaze never leaving Phil's. 

Phil didn't say a word. He didn't mutter anything, he didn't even try. He just hung his head and sobbed. 

Dan almost wanted to hug the bastard, he hated himself for making Phil cry but he hated Phil for breaking his heart. 

"You can go be with her, whoever the hell she is. Have a nice life." Dan said, and rushed past Phil, back to his bedroom. 

***

Dan didn't even hear the door close. Phil hadn't even left before Dan got out his first sob and choked on his own saliva. 

This leads us to now, with Dan laid in bed, drowning in sorrow and guilt for making Phil leave. 

Dan didn't know who else to call, who else to talk to, so he did it. 

Dan pulled his phone from his bedside table and pressed the phone button, selecting Bailey's contact, and pressing the phone to his ear.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm back! I'm so happy because this fic got 600 hits!! AAAEEEGGJHJ!  
> You guys, Ashton is amazing.  
> here lies the grave of my old author's note that was probably longer than this entire chapter hahahahahaahelp. And guess what it was about? mY eX bOiFrEn!!!! This was long before we broke up and long before he came out to me as v v gay. Fun times. So just enjoy never having to read that note :))))) (it was CRINGEY)   
> I hope you like this chapter!  
> -Scarlett <3

Dan hands shook as he heard her voicemail. No, no, no! She had to answer! He tried again. Still no answer. And again. Finally, after a few low-toned rings, Bailey picked up. 

"Hello?" She answered, her voice scratchier than usual. 

"Hi, Bailey..." Dan replied.

"Dan?" She asked, and he could tell she was shuffling around, in bed? Maybe. 

"Yeah, hi." Dan said weakly, and coughed the phlegm from his throat. 

"Dan, are you alright? What happened? Dan, have you been crying?" Bailey asked quickly. 

"Yeah, I'm- no, no I'm not, fuck, Bailey, he cheated on me." Dan whimpered and a hot spring of new tears fell onto his cheeks. 

"Oh, fuck, that... Bastard!" Bailey took the phone from her ear and Dan could hear her shout in anger. 

"Bailey, I don't know what to do. Our careers are based off of one another, I'm on YouTube -because- of him. I can't move out, we can't stop talking, we can't do anything." He added, and Bailey sighed. 

"God, dammit Dan. Give me more info on this whole infidelity scheme." Bailey pressed, and Dan gave out a low groan and a few more tears fell. 

"A girl. He's been fucking a girl behind my back, I've found the messages twice. Jesus- it could've been anyone, a boy, but he chose a girl. A fucking- ugh." Dan groaned again, rolling onto his back. 

"A girl? Are you fucking kidding me? Are you serious, oh my, you know what? I'm gonna-" Dan gasped, he knew what she was about to do. 

"Nonono, Daniel, don't worry. Put your phone on mute and he won't hear a peep from you." She instructed, and Dan did as he was told. 

He heard her tapping Phil's contact and the beep of the ringer. 

"Bailey, why are you calling me?" Dan heard Phil's voice, he didn't even sound remotely sad, or hurt.

"You little shit. You little piece of hot, steaming shit." Bailey was also in tears now, and Dan could tell by her voice. 

"Bailey, what? Why are you being so nasty to me?" Phil asked. 

"You know Goddamn well what you did, Mr. Infidelity." Dan noted the use of the nickname he had also given Phil just a few hours before. 

"Uh, urmm..." Phil sounded like he was pacing now. 

"You know what you did, you know how much you hurt that poor man, you know how much pain you've put him through, and you're refusing to face the facts that you aren't some little ball of sunshine that will hug anyone- you are nothing but a compulsive liar and a cheater. You are scum- a piece of trash in the middle of a river. I hope you feel fucking terrible for what you've done to Dan, I hope that girl's vagina will serve you well, you good for nothing asscunt." And with that Bailey hung up on Phil, and burst into another fit of tears. 

"Thank you." Dan whispered, and heard a quite mewl from Bailey. 

"I knew you loved him while we were still dating. I knew how much it hurt you, and how much you wanted to just have your goddamned best friend back. Dan, I am so so sorry." Bailey added, heaving. 

"It's okay." Dan calmed her, and sighed. 

"Dan, I don't think that things are gonna work out between the two of you anymore. You need to break it off." Bailey added. 

"Do- do you mean...?" Dan asked shakily. 

"I mean you need to move out."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops...  
> I'm a day late.  
> Anywhoooooo ily guys and I hope you like this next chapter.  
> -Scarlett

Dan cried again over his cup of coffee, when Bailey was right in front of him. He couldn't help it, Phil was his best friend and his co-worker, he really had to move out but he couldn't at the same time. 

"Dan, I know how hard this must be for you, but really Dan, you have to move out. You don't have another choice." Bailey cooed softly, patting his shoulder as silent tears dribbled down his cheeks and onto the counter. 

"Hey Bailey?" Dan said quietly after a few moments of silence, besides the noise of drilling beneath them. 

"Yeah?" Bailey stopped rubbing his shoulder to look him in the eye when he turned his head. 

"If I move out, I will have to get rid of every single memory Phil and I have made, every single t-shirt I have bought and every pair of jeans. I will have to delete half the photos off of my phone, I will have to change my haircut, and you know what's the worst of all those? I will have to make my own videos, alone, without Phil, and I will lose millions of subscribers. The phandom is only as big as how many subscribers Phil has, Bailey. How am I gonna live with myself after that?" Dan asked, his voice thickening even more than it already had, causing a new set of tears to trek down his face. 

Bailey didn't say anything. Not a word, and she quietly slipped out and went home, leaving Dan by himself, now in the darkness of the evening. 

Phil had saved his fucking life. And this was how Dan was supposed to repay him?  
No, no, no, no. Dan was the victim. He was not about to go and stand up for the man who cheated on him repeatedly, and is probably at his girlfriend's house right now.

"Don't feel sorry. Don't feel sorry." Dan recited as he clicked on Phil's contact. 

"Dan?" Phil's voice was cracking and it was obvious that he had been crying. 

"Phil, I am endlessly angry with your sorry ass. Actually, just your ass, I bet you're not even feeling any tiny morsel remorse are you? Long story short, I don't care where you are or who you're with, you'd better come home right now." Dan's voice cracked and he burst into tears, as did Phil on the other side of the line. 

"Okay. I'll be home in like- urm twenty minutes okay?" Phil sniffed and Dan hung up. 

"I gotta lay it on him. Just rip it off, like a plaster." Dan whispered to himself. 

***

When Phil got home, the first thing he did was give him a huge hug, even if he was pissed off at him beyond belief. 

"Phil, let's sit down." Dan says, the two of them walking into the lounge and sitting down on the couch across from one another. 

"I've seen the texts. Many times. You are gonna tell me who she is and where you met her and everything, and then I'm gonna decide what to do with you." Dan sniffs, and Phil nods. 

"Her name is Gemma, she was the barista at a Starbucks I stopped at a few months back. She gave me her number and told me to call her sometime..." 

"So this happened even before we were dating? This was right after you and Bailey broke up?" Dan felt his eyes water and his voice thicken again. 

"Urm, well, kind of." Phil rubbed his hands together nervously, and Dan nodded for him to continue. 

"It was while we were still, urm, dating actually." 

"Phil, you need to tell me how the hell you met her actually, and when." Dan whispered, tears freely flowing down his face. 

"Dan, please don't cry-" 

"That's not gonna make me stop. Now tell me what happened." Dan said bitterly, sucking in air from his teeth.

"Six months ago. Same situation." Phil whispered. 

"You cheated on both of us..." Da whispered back, new blobs of saltiness traveling down his sodden face. 

"Dan, I'm sorry." 

"That doesn't mean shit to me." Dan spat, running a hand through his hair, and standing up. "I'm gonna go pack." Dan said, and sighed. 

"Wait what?" Phil exclaimed.

"What did you think was gonna happen? We're just gonna go on and I'm not gonna be terrified of you getting bored of me, and deciding to fuck a girl behind my back again? I'm not doing this anymore, Phil! You had your chance to earn my trust back and you chewed it up and spat it out." Dan retorted. 

"But- but... Dan and Phil? Phan? Dan, Phan was finally real and-" 

"You did this to yourself." Dan couldn't find a way to say 'suck my dick' so he pulled out his wallet from his back pocket, pulled out a condom, throwing it at Phil. 

"This is so you have protection when I tell you this- go fuck yourself." 

And with that, Dan marched to his bedroom, cleaning out his drawers and his closet, along with the many memories he had made there.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on the phone with Ashton as I write this, and I just had a spontaneous moment of "fuck the world" and I decided to update my Phanfiction.  
> Auf weidersehen.  
> Au rovair.  
> -Scarlett O.

Dating your ex best friend/ex boyfriend's ex girlfriend is weird. It feels wrong, but it feels okay at the same time.

But, that was before Dan got his own place,  
It was his fifth place he had lived outside his childhood home and his first time living fully alone, and that was the part that felt weird. From going from Uni halls to The Phlat to The London Apartment to Bailey's to his own was a big switch.

Mixing in emotions from a difficult breakup and emotional scarring left Dan in a shell after he had to move out for a second time, this time because the relationship stopped feeling new, it felt too domesticated and just downright boring.

Dan still made videos all the way through, almost documenting his newfound depression into more straightforward events and activities rather than things he hates or ideas he likes.

It was safe to say that Dan was unhappy. It was stupidly simple and clear to see, as well. He had Louise calling him every Sunday to ask if he wanted to come over for Tea.

Sometimes he could go out and bother to talk with other people, learn about new things and travel to shops and restaurants he hadn't been to before, but most of the time was him in his little one-person apartment reading and going on Tumblr.

He unsubscribed to Phil's channel and updated a video explaining their situation to their gaming channel, and said a nice goodbye with plenty of tears.

Three years since he and Phil broke up, and Dan is still a shell. He's over it now, he doesn't spend nights wondering where he went wrong but he spends his nights sleeping at a reasonable hour and dreaming of buttons and blackness.

Sometimes, every now and then, Dan thinks he might go to Vidcon. He went three years ago last with Phil, but he hasn't been since. The third year after they broke up he did, he realized how weird it was to be meeting all these people without Phil. To be hugging a teenage girl and signing her phone case was just the most surreal part of it, because she was the only one that mentioned him.

"I miss you two. I saw Phil today, a few hours ago." She had said.

"What?" Dan mumbled.

"It makes me sad to see you so... Gray, you know? I don't think I like it. I like you, a lot, but I don't like this. This isn't Dan."

"Oh."

***

They were at an after party, him and Tyler were talking.

"Dude, just get you some dick and you'll be fine." Tyler had said after a few margaritas on the rocks.

"I think I'm good." Dan replied, forcing a giggle.

"Wait- oh my god, Dan, look!" Tyler punched Dan lightly in the shoulder and subtly pointed over at someone in the corner, talking with Shane.

The fringe was gone, now it was a quiff similar to Tyler's. Still jet-black and shiny, and his button-up was buttoned to the tippy top by his throat.

Dan's throat felt like it was closing and his mouth went dry.

He felt like he was staring too long when he finally noticed that Tyler had walked over to Phil, rudely pulled him by his wrist away from Shane and towards Dan.

"Okay, I'm tired of this shit so just- talk.  
Make a phanwich. I don't give a shit anymore, just... Do something together and make it happen, I'm tired of you two being in constant post-breakup mode." Tyler sighed and whispered as he walked away, " I need another drink..."

Phil was the first to say something.

"I can't believe I cheated on you."

"Quite frankly neither could I." Dan sniffed and smiled, genuinely, for the first time in months. "Do you still live in the old Londoner?" Dan asked.

"Yeah, the landlord is still all weird and creepy but it's still the same." Phil replied,  
rubbing his hands together.

"Your hair looks nice." Dan complimented the now thirty-one year old ex.

"Thanks, I figured, if I can change my hair, I can change my ways." Phil replied, and his hand fell into its claw hand position.

"I miss you, I know how weird that sounds but I do." Dan finally said, rubbing his forehead.

"I missed the hell out of you too." Phil sighed, and rubbed the side of Dan's arm.

"I feel like I'm just shit all the time... I'm never happy anymore." Dan muttered.

"This is far fetched, but do you-"

"Yeah." Dan interrupted.

"You didn't let me finish."

"I don't care how that sentence ends, I just want to be with you again, Phil. Goddamnit,  
Phil, just... Please don't break me up like that again." Dan pleaded, and looked Phil right in the eyes.

Phil placed his drink on the counter next to him and wrapped his hand behind Dan's neck, so he had his palm pressed against the lower part of the back of Dan's head.

Dan shut his eyes and opened his mouth, after seeing Phil's eyes hood a bit and his mouth go agape.

Phil tasted of alcohol and honey, almost like he did before. His mouth was sweet and sour and tangy and just so addicting, it felt orgasmic.

Phil's tongue was rubbing on Dan's lower lip and Dan's was doing the same to Phil. Dan thought that this might look kind of gross to some people, it might look weird, but he soon lost all thoughts in his brain except for Phil.  
Phil.  
Phil.

Dan had to set down his drink, and he ran his hands up and down Phil's back, and Phil's hands stayed stationed at the back of Dan's neck where they were before.

"YAAS! Do you sEE this shit? I fuckin' KNEW IT! TROYE, YOU OWE ME TWENTY! HAND IT OVER, PRINCESS!" Tyler's voice shouted, along with everyone else's right after his, but those two didn't care, they kept going. 

Once upon a time, they broke up. Once upon a time, they were sad.  
And now, their alcohol-tinged tongues danced while everyone watched.


End file.
